The Importance of Letting Go

[AdamC]

One thing I think a lot of us who are trying to make a transformation tend to neglect is the importance of letting go of who we were before. This means more than just rejecting it and hating it. Hating who we were, in particular, is dangerous because hatred necessitates a connection with something: you have to think about it passionately in order to hate it.

But, and this can be a challenge, truly letting go involves allowing the former self to be something even less than a memory--something that no longer has the rights, so to speak, to the storage room of things that comprise your identity. That includes the prefix "used to be" or "former" because even then you're allowing your present identity to be a function of who you were before.

 

[yalatorre]

One thing I think a lot of us who are trying to make a transformation tend to neglect is the importance of letting go of who we were before. This means more than just rejecting it and hating it. Hating who we were, in particular, is dangerous because hatred necessitates a connection with something: you have to think about it passionately in order to hate it.

But, and this can be a challenge, truly letting go involves allowing the former self to be something even less than a memory--something that no longer has the rights, so to speak, to the storage room of things that comprise your identity. That includes the prefix "used to be" or "former" because even then you're allowing your present identity to be a function of who you were before.

Interesting thought. So, you think we must remove who we used to be in order to move on?

I think it is important to acknowledge our past and, yes, let go, but maybe not in the same way you are describing. I think it is important that we release anything that no longer serves us, but first, we must acknowledge our experiences and who we used to be. Our past brought us to our present and I think regardless of choosing to let something go, our past will continue to have an effect on who we are. And, this is not a bad thing. By remembering our experiences and even being thankful for them we can continue to grow and know ourselves better. From my past, I know what situations to avoid, how to react to certain things and where to go to find comfort. No, we should not live in the past but we should learn from it.

 

[AdamC]

Yes, I agree we should learn from our past. What I was trying to say was that even though we should cherish the lessons of our past, we shouldn't allow our past to be part of our identity. For instance, there are people who brag about the bad things they've done and then say how proud they are that they have changed. If you're truly proud of changing, why do you still tell glorious stories about the old you?

Conversely, some have an affinity for accomplishments made in the past and quite literally rest on these laurels--instead of trying their best to accomplish new things that are equally story-worthy.

I don't know... maybe it's just me who feels this way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It got me thinking, and I'm still chewing on it.

 

[chsarahahmed]

Yes, I agree we should learn from our past. What I was trying to say was that even though we should cherish the lessons of our past, we shouldn't allow our past to be part of our identity. For instance, there are people who brag about the bad things they've done and then say how proud they are that they have changed. If you're truly proud of changing, why do you still tell glorious stories about the old you?

Conversely, some have an affinity for accomplishments made in the past and quite literally rest on these laurels--instead of trying their best to accomplish new things that are equally story-worthy.

I don't know... maybe it's just me who feels this way. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It got me thinking, and I'm still chewing on it.

I know what you mean. I've also seen people act proud of all the bad things they've done in the past, and glorify it. But I think it is inevitable that our past WILL define us in some way. Everything that we've done or that has happened to us accumulates and shapes the person we are today. Those things stay with us forever. The most we can do is learn our lessons and detach ourselves from the emotions attached to the experience.

 

[annelill]

Yes, I agree with this so much. Sometimes I look back at who I was ten years ago, or even as little as five years ago and it amazes me how much I've changed. To be fair, I went through a lot of self-doubt and self-hatred to get to where I am. But not, as someone who is happy with herself and confident in who she is, I can look back at who I was in the past and not be ashamed or angry, but recognize that it was a phase of my self-growth. Especially early in our lives (which I still am relatively), it's important to recognize that we are always growing and changing and to accept that who we were in the past is gone. This is one of the reasons I love the ancient ouroboros symbol. I think it perfectly symbolizes that type of change, where to move forward and change, you must let go of something.

 

[OlgaC]

I am almost 30 years old, life has changed a lot for me during the past years. Lots of new things happened. I noticed I don't identify myself with my younger self. I was a shy, insecure girl and now I became more self-secure and determined. It amazes me too how much I've changed!

Some things are worth to remember from our past but sometimes it is just a waste of time to think about the past.
Personally some things I prefer not to remember, they are gone, it is better to focus on the present and on the future.