Rebuilding After a Breakup

[Cdixon1225]

I recently got out of a great relationship. Sounds kind of counter-intuitive, I know. Things were great, but it was long distance due to my line of work. She needed her time to work on herself so I felt it was selfish to stay together. We still have powerful feelings for eachother. I feel like I did alot for her but her responsibilities made it hard for her to give me the same attention. I worked hard to fix it and told her I would do anything to make it work, but felt although, she said she wanted to fix it, she wasnt giving everything. I would fly across the country once a month to visit (which was not the plan).
How do you get over a relationship knowing there is still something there? Im not one to give up easily, but I also respect the fact she is working on herself.
Thank you all,

 

[Sflom]

Some things that have helped me in the past:
- spend time with friends/family
- work on a hobby of yours
- remove reminders of her (photos, etc.)
- give her space, and you take yours
- don't text or call her

Biggest thing though......Give it time.... it won't be easy at first, but with time you will feel better. It is hard removing someone you care about from your life. But if you feel that she wasn't giving her all, then you truly deserve better. And one thing I've learned is that if someone wants to be with you, they will give it their all.

 

[hayeske]

Potential is the hardest thing to let go of with a broken relationship, and I recently went through something similar. Our story (how we found each other after years of almosts) was incredible, and as a writer I loved that. We complemented each other in emotional and intellectual ways that encouraged both of us to be better people. We shared the same sense of humor. We wanted the same things.

The problem was how much he travels for work, and we wouldn't see each other for two, sometimes three, months at a time. I was willing to put in the effort to figure out the hard parts, and unfortunately he was not. We had so much potential, but it never manifested. And the idea of what could have been haunted me for a while.

The best advice I received was to let myself feel the sadness, to not try and cover it up or shove it aside. I sat down every day and wrote about how I felt. I focused on accomplishing a few goals I had set for myself (quitting my job and rebooting my freelance career). And whenever he popped into my mind, I just let myself feel that sadness.

I agree with Sflom. If someone wants to be with you, they'll make it work; they'll compromise and put in the effort. When someone can't make you a priority because of other issues in their life, that's not an exception to this rule; it's simply an understandable reason for you not to be with them. Everyone deserves to be with someone who makes them a priority, who treats them well, and matches the effort they put into making a relationship work.