Out with the old (me), in with the new (baby).

[NewMama]

Hi!

I'm a new mama.

You know that feeling when you see your kid for the first time and you're completely overwhelmed with a new emotion that is sort of like love but way more than that and with this brand new feeling comes a brand new life that you could not have adequately prepared for if you'd tried? That's where I'm at right now. I'm married. My son was not "a surprise." I nested, I read books and articles, I got lots of advice from friends (some solicited, some not), but not matter how ready I felt to care for an infant, I was not prepared for what feels like the loss of myself. For now, my entire existence revolves around a perfect, seven-week-old, fourteen pound little nugget. I feed the baby, bathe the baby, change the baby, and take the baby to appointments. Friends and family come to see the baby, we talk about how the baby is doing... you get the picture.

I'm not just a mom. I'm also a teacher, a wife, a friend; I love reading, cooking, crafting, traveling, good coffee and cocktails. With all of these big changes learning how to take care of my little man, I have been trying to figure out where the rest of me fits in to this new mommy role. There's so much talk about the emotions you'll experience during pregnancy, but too little emphasis on the emotions that happen after the baby arrives. I've been given lots of advice about how to deal with this loss of identity, so that's not necessarily the point of this post, although that's certainly welcome. Instead, I was hoping anyone going through similar feelings could share and support one another.

Anyone out there?

 

[Ssandra]

It happened to me as well. It didn't help that my daughter was ill a lot during the first few years and my ex husband completely useless in helping. His contribution to trying to talk about these things was "but you wanted the baby"...

My daughter just turned 5, and for the last year I've been finding myself again. Bouncing between too much of myself and too little, keeping things still too separate (a "me-life" and a "mom-life") but I'm slowly turning it into just one life again.

 

[Polyacik]

I have a 2.5 and 1 year old. Have not gotten "me" back yet since I got pregnant with the first one. Between being pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the last 3 years, my body has certainly not been the same. Then add in the whole world revolving around your children, like you mentioned, and it's a wonder anyone ever makes it out of toddler mommyhood alive =). Carving out even the tiniest amount of time for yourself (and with your significant other) without your children is definitely important. And the knowledge that eventually it gets better! It gets better and better the older your kid(s) are (not that each day with your tiny human isn't precious) and eventually you'll have time for yourself again.

 

[NewMama]

It happened to me as well. It didn't help that my daughter was ill a lot during the first few years and my ex husband completely useless in helping. His contribution to trying to talk about these things was "but you wanted the baby"...

My daughter just turned 5, and for the last year I've been finding myself again. Bouncing between too much of myself and too little, keeping things still too separate (a "me-life" and a "mom-life") but I'm slowly turning it into just one life again.

Yes, trying to figure out how to make it one life where there's no tug-of-war between me-life and mom-life is the hardest part, I think. It's much easier, but not sustainable, to separate the two.

 

[NewMama]

I have a 2.5 and 1 year old. Have not gotten "me" back yet since I got pregnant with the first one. Between being pregnant and/or breastfeeding for the last 3 years, my body has certainly not been the same. Then add in the whole world revolving around your children, like you mentioned, and it's a wonder anyone ever makes it out of toddler mommyhood alive =). Carving out even the tiniest amount of time for yourself (and with your significant other) without your children is definitely important. And the knowledge that eventually it gets better! It gets better and better the older your kid(s) are (not that each day with your tiny human isn't precious) and eventually you'll have time for yourself again.

I think breastfeeding makes a lot of things really difficult. I love the bonding experience I get with my son when I breastfeed, but life certainly has to revolve around breastfeeding regardless of the circumstances. Recently, I went to a friend's weekend-long bachelorette party, and I had to make sure to go back to our hotel and pump every few hours, which made things hard.