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Narcissism- partners

I have two friends currently dealing with abusive partners. They have both been told by counselors that their partners are narcissists. How can we identify narcissists in relationships.... and.... how can I help them through the divorces they are going through with these partners?
 

bmcd16

New member
I’m sorry to hear your friends are going through that. Narcissistic abuse is all too common, but there are several online resources available. Your Tango has several articles on the topic (https://www.yourtango.com/experts/joanne-brothwell/9-signs-toxic-relationship-suffering-narcissistic-abuse), and there are also forums for advice from abuse survivors (https://narcissistabusesupport.com/common-traits-narcissist/). Online communities also exist. I’ve found several insightful accounts on Instagram - @noblenav, @narcissistpurge, @npd.awareness.recovery, and @narcaware_survival.
 
I’m sorry to hear your friends are going through that. Narcissistic abuse is all too common, but there are several online resources available. Your Tango has several articles on the topic (https://www.yourtango.com/experts/joanne-brothwell/9-signs-toxic-relationship-suffering-narcissistic-abuse), and there are also forums for advice from abuse survivors (https://narcissistabusesupport.com/common-traits-narcissist/). Online communities also exist. I’ve found several insightful accounts on Instagram - @noblenav, @narcissistpurge, @npd.awareness.recovery, and @narcaware_survival.
This is wonderful of you! Thank you so much! I will pass these along to them. One has been able to divorce. Their kids are grown. The other has a much stickier situation. She adopted his two children from his first marriage. The younger of the two girls was an infant. He made sure his ex-wife (who was not mentally capable fo raising the girls) did not get custody. They have since had two children together.

He is on disability from a job in a prison after he left the military. He has been physically abusive to her. He cannot lift their toddler. She has a full-time job which pays fairly well, but the debt they have incurred for their home and his use of joint accounts is more than she can handle on her own.

She is afraid he will want the kids 50/50 to be spiteful. He cannot physically care for them. He also takes pain medication that renders him loopy. When he chooses to hurt her, he will be an attentive daddy, but when things are calm and normal, he is not attentive or patient or loving.

Sadly, her family is in another state. She really has no family here to help. She has some friends which are great things, but not quite the same. He, on the other hand, has his family right here. They all side with him, of course.

It is stressful and abusive for her. He has profiles on dating sites and does communicate with other women. He gives her the third degree if she gets a haircut or a new shirt. She does not dress provocatively or anything like that. She always works a second part-time job to help with the bills as well. He has no respect for her and hounds and nags and insults her. He has caused many of her old friends to distance themselves by threatening e-mails and not being a nice man.

I hope she can find some advice and so on through these resources too. I know she has a counselor. All the help we can gather is wonderful.

Thank you so much!
 
If he is unable to physically care for the kids, and it can be shown, this will be reason sufficient for him to have limited or supervised custody. As far as the labeling of a psychological disorder - narcissist pd- etc. this will not be helpful -- first, because if he is not evaluated directly, no condition can or should be attributed to him. In arguments to limit his custody, I would avoid this type of speculative diagnosis. Just mentioning facts that may help although I will note that I am not an attorney.
 

nhenrick

New member
This is truly a hard subject for many, and I'm sure many are scared to even touch on the matter. Many people nowadays consider millennials as narcissistic. But being narcissistic has proved to extend far more than just taking pictures of ourselves. Identifying narcissism in partners is a crucial red flag that should be identified early on. It can be shown through selfishness, loneliness, and anger. Many partners who are narcissistic often beg for more attention than usual and feel sorry for themselves when they realize what they've done. Both of these acts show that they want attention applied to them, either directly or as a form of guilt. This should be seen as needy, and an immediate red flag. From experience, this is one huge factor that can show narcissism exists in your significant other.
 

lpvander

New member
Narcissism is something I've had to deal with an employer of mine for the last three years. Before this person, I had thought like many people that a narcissist was someone who is just selfish/self-absorbed. But it goes so way beyond that. Due to the personal nature of my job, I've had to be around this person almost every single day at her home. As a result, I've noticed these red flags when it comes to knowing you're dealing with a narcissist:

1. They prey on kind, soft-spoken individuals. Meaning, they actively seek them out, in order to have someone around them that will consistently agree with them/boost their ego/substantiate their idea of reality.
2. They (seriously) believe they are exceptionally knowledgeable about almost everything (i.e. they think they're geniuses).
3. They will never ask about you or your life.

I'm still at this job, which should illuminate to people just how difficult it is to disentangle yourself from a manipulative, emotionally abusive person.

I've found some articles in the past, included below, that have helped me understand my situation and techniques to deal with such people.


How to Tell If You're a Narcissist

How to Deal with the Narcissist in Your Life
 

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