The idea of, to use the OPs term, being or having Candles is conflicted. I strongly believe in the power of agency - a poor term probably borrowed from academe. Agency is You as an actor. The opposite would be the Victim or perennial re-actor.
Whenever you, with best intentions, tell or impose your solutions to their problem you are in a way disrespecting them and impinging on their agency. You can hear this in the child's cry of 'don't tell me what do' or 'you're not the boss of me'. But people love to impose their wills onto others be it by peer pressures, laws, force, or religion. Its not just about letting everyone 'paddle their own canoe' or an excuse to be selfish. It's about Respecting another's belief, approach, even their ignorance.
Years ago I ran a Hotline in CA central coast. It was for folks in distress in various ways and those considering suicide. As you can imagine it was staffed by well intentioned volunteers. Before training, they were quick to mete out solutions either from our resources or their head. Some responses were good, others not so good - an even had legal repercussions. My training was about two things: first, listen.....listen. People in distress often don't have anyone to really listen to them. The people near them are in distress themselves or have an agenda or don't have anything to add. Often just by listening to the clients they would come up with their own solutions or navigate to what was really the problem.
The second lesson was: facilitate their solutions, not yours. They must own their solutions as they do their problems.
I also talked about what i call Wisconsin Coaching. People in the mid-west apart from being pretty polite, are also naturally respectful. I coined the phrase when I had a car breakdown near Racine and couldn't quite fix the problem. A nice guy stopped despite the freezing snow and came over and asked if 'I was ok' not ]can I help?'. As he looked around the engine and my jury rigged repairs, he'd say things like, 'well, a guy could make a case for re-attaching the vacuum hose' and ' sometimes there's a lag between.....' and ' I've seen where....' The point being that at no point was this guy going to tell me what to do. That would be impinging on my knowledge of car repair and worse on my sovereignty as an individual. It would arrogant for him to think I didn't know and disrespectful for him to tell me what I should do. He made it easy for me to confess my ignorance and to accept his help. We worked collegially after that and I was soon back on the road. Wisconsin Coaching.
Back in my Hotline example, I can tell you that we lost a lot of volunteers after the training. They were very happy feeling like do-gooders and telling these unfortunates what to do but to just listen to them or help them on their terms.....not so much.
People just starting out working with the unfortunate or dispossessed are often very surprised that the poor have preferences and definite opinions of what help they'll accept and how.
As all-knowing philanthropist billionaire Mr. Bill Gates found out ---it was easy enough for him to buy Millions of mosquito nets to give away to the poor in Zambia to eradicate malaria only to find years later the rates were the same.
The nets werent being used as intended but were being sold off or used as fishing nets. Not because the Zambians valued living malaria-free less, but they valued eating , via fishing, more.