What's new

Conversing with a Less Intellectual Person

DeeDeeDaylee

New member
Alright, at the risk of sounding like a jerk - I have to address this.

(I would like to ask that this stay a kind and friendly discussion without the use of insults or condescending words toward others, of course! Even people that will never see this....)

I have always had trouble with feeling as though I had to "dumb myself down" around certain people or in certain types of conversations. It's not that I feel I'm better, or superior in any way. I truly believe everyone has their own unique strong points and gifts. However, it's difficult to balance not sounding like a know-it-all or coming off like a jerk with not dumbing yourself down, is it not? How do you do it?

Again, this isn't to say that other people are dumb, or stupid or that I'm better than anyone else. It's just that sometimes I end up feeling like the stupid one in the conversation because else no one gets the joke or understands a reference. Can anyone relate? Or am I just a self-centered, egotistical jerk? LOL!
 

Omar1292

New member
I can relate to what you are saying in the topics that I have good knowledge and have a deep understanding to it. I tend to speak about very basic things or obvious , if I find them understanding and can carry on with the conversation , I do. If not , I change the subject so that I won’t let them feel dump or stupid.
 

Nick Torn

New member
I think that if you want to communicate about something with not very understanding people, then you need to communicate in simple words.

If you do not need to bring something special to them, then it's better just to communicate on the topic that they are really interested in. I think that many people have to communicate with persons who do not understand them because it is difficult... Anyway, you need to be calm when you'll do this.
 

ALGrace656

New member
my father has had a very limited education, and so speaking with him is actually frustrating. He is just content to sit in his tiny box of knowledge and judge the world he knows nothing about. i understand "dumbing yourself down" to connect with people who are close to you. to be honest its a knife's edge to walk between sounding condescending and compassionate. I think if you're explaining something to someone who clearly doesn't have any background or context to work with, ask them if they need an explanation of ideas or concepts or phrases. I've always been one to ask questions, so the act of not knowing has never bothered me, but plenty of people feel their pride is damaged when something is explained to them, especially by someone younger.
on that note i also think that how you come off also leans on the other person a bit. if the person you're talking to is open-minded and willing to learn, you're less likely to sound like a jerk, because its a conversation. if the person you're talking to isn't willing to learn from you, its easy to sound pompous.
I've found the easiest way to keep myself from sounding like an ass is to constantly project learning as a good thing, and not knowing as an opportunity.
 

JessicaW

New member
I worked with people like that. I am related to people like that. I have conversed with people with no interest in current events and a very concentrated view of the world and do not have any desire to think outside that sphere, and that's fine with me. It's not my place to judge them. My parents always spoke to as an adult as I grew up. I didn't know what condescension was until I started school. People of any educational level can converse once you find some common ground or an interesting topic.

Unless asked pointed questions, I usually deflect onto some neutral subject or something the other person enjoys. That's fine with me. I'm not actually much of a talker. I don't think I would ask someone "if they needed an explanation". If they want something explained, I'll look for cues and proceed from there. I won't ask. At minimum I strive to be kind to people I speak with. And I am very selective with whom I will casually converse. I am extremely non-confrontational. It takes a lot to rile me. I'd just sooner drop controversial topics than lecture the unwilling.

My grandfather while he was still living was a joy to talk to. He didn't even have a high school education, and I have a bachelors degree. Several times I had conversations with him (for an hour+) about topics like gardening or birds, squirrels and their behavioral patterns in relation to weather. Wow! did I learn a lot about local weather patterns stretching back 70+ years from his observations. Those conversations shaped my curiosity about the weather to this day. He had no concept of global warming. But, he knew how the weather changed.
 

OlgaC

Member
I definitely can understand what you mean. I also have a close relative who is not willing to learn more than she already does. If she says something that is clearly wrong, and I start explaining to her a scientific point of view, she literally just yawns and shows with all her facial expressions how boring I am. A person that never wants to develop her knowledge, to develop herself.
Well, in my normal life I usually just don't communicate with people whom I have nothing to talk about if they are close-minded. But since she is my relative and we see each other now and then I just don't express my point of view anymore. She even told me once when I was a teenager, that it is bad to be "too smart". :rolleyes:
Well, I definitely disagree with her on that one.
 

EJDarnell

New member
One cannot dumb themselves, you are you and they are who they are.

If you honestly believe you are in a position where you have to dumb yourself to speak with someone, I would rather suggest you understand why you feel that way, if this person isn't giving you any intellectual motivation, then what are they giving you? Their time, their words, small... But if you honestly slow things down to a more secluded space and time rather then trying to find pleasure in what you want to find pleasure in, you could enjoy what they are offering you, if you are not enjoying a conversation at this point though, you could always question yourself, are you part of it? And if you are not, then are you enjoying where you are and who you are with? If you don't and aren't then simply step away, however, I feel that not being given of the steps that should be taken, there are other situations that can cause someone to be bored of other individuals, apathy at times? Which can be common among intellectuals.
 

Seeker Best

New member
Well...when I am discussing with someone who seems to be intellectually below, I try to bring myself low. But the disaster there in is that some people like this pride in feeling that they're better. In this sense, what I do is either make them know their place or give them the paddle so they can say as much as they want.
 

tyleralecia

New member
This is definitely a relatable feeling to many people. Sometimes you just happen to be knowledgeable on a particular subject, sometimes you encounter people who have had less education than yourself, and sometimes you deal with people who don't prefer to expand their knowledge. As I attend a pretty rigorous college, I've often found myself always striving to be more worldly and educated to keep on with the conversations on campus. As a result, I often find that not everyone I hang around understands the topics I talk about or that I need to "dumb down" what I'm saying so they'll understand. I once had a friend who told me should would probably not be able to point to Australia on a map. She is one of the most down to earth and witty person I've ever met but intellectual conversations aren't her strong suits. And that's okay. But pointing out her flaws or making her feel bad about it is not. I figure someone will always be more or less smart than you so you need a plan to handle both!
 
Use simple vocabulary, avoid professional terms or terms exclusive to the area you're speaking about. Imagine you're explaining it to a child, use a lot of 'basically' and try to put it in as elementary terms as possible. An important thing is not to seem like you're agitated by their lack of understanding, and to keep your tone level as if you're talking to someone with equal knowledge
 

Top